Unraveling and Resolving the Hidden Barriers to Self-Care Bliss

As a mum I do, however, understand just how difficult it is to look after ourselves. There are many barriers to self-care. Between our myriad responsibilities as parents, partners, employees, and more, finding time for ourselves can feel impossible.

It will come as no surprise that I love skincare…..I made a blog about it! For me, it’s a tactile way to show myself compassion, after all, a regular skincare routine provides both mental and physical benefits. Massaging your face when applying serums or creams forces you to slow down and be present.

Though taking care of our own needs helps us be better caretakers for others, obstacles still stand in the way. 

In this article, we’ll explore the most common barriers to self-care that prevent mums from looking after themselves, including lack of time, guilt, inadequate support systems, and financial constraints.

We’ll also tackle beliefs that can hold us back, like thinking self-care is selfish or a sign of weakness. The truth is, you deserve self-care. It’s not just permissible but essential.

While these roadblocks are real, there are still many simple, creative ways we can nourish ourselves in mind, body and spirit. I’ll share tips and inspiration for fitting self-care into your daily life, no matter how busy you are.

Because when you make yourself a priority, everyone benefits – you, your kids, and your whole family.

If you want plenty of ideas (21 in fact) on how to create some time for your self-care, head over to this post. For 30, yes 30, cheap and quick self care activities, head to this post here.

Related Posts:
– QUICK AND CHEAP SELF-CARE: 30 ACTIVITIES FOR MUMS TO ELEVATE OUR WELL-BEING
– PRIORITISING SELF-CARE – 21 UNIQUE WAYS FOR ‘ME TIME’ AS A MUM 

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Why does Self-Care Matter?

First of all, let’s have a look at why self-care is so important. We all know it feels great, but are there more scientific reasons why we should be doing this?

Self-Care Improves Mental Health and Reduces Stress/Anxiety

When you’re a busy mom, it’s easy to get caught up in an endless cycle of caring for others, but neglecting your own needs can quickly lead to mental health issues like stress, anxiety, and even depression. 

The National Institute of Mental Health states “Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health.

When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact.”

The benefits of self-care are well documented. Studies show that regularly taking time for renewal activities can profoundly affect mental and physical health.

Those who incorporate self-care habits into their routine often report lower anxiety and depression, more energy, improved concentration and productivity, less stress and frustration, and an enhanced overall sense of happiness and well-being.

Physically, self-care has been linked to reduced risk for chronic illnesses like heart disease, stroke, and cancer. The mind and body are interconnected – nurturing yourself with rest, healthy habits, and activities you find uplifting allows both your mental and physical health to thrive.

Self-Care Makes You a Happier, More Patient Mum

Drawing from my experience as a nurse, where I often cared for elderly couples dealing with dementia, I’d encourage the primary caregiver to take some “me time.” It’s like a mini-vacation for them. We’d connect them with daycare centres or organisations that could provide care for their loved ones for short periods.

It was incredible to see how this breather allowed them to recharge, come back refreshed, and tackle their demanding caregiving role with renewed energy.

And you know what? The same principle applies to us parents.

Think about the instructions we receive on aeroplanes during the safety speech: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else.” It’s a reminder that without caring for yourself, you won’t be able to help others effectively.

If you’re not tending to your body and mind, you won’t be the best version of yourself, particularly when others rely on you. 

By incorporating a self-care routine that brings you joy, you not only nurture a healthier mind and body but also ensure that you’re fully present for those who depend on you.

What Are the Barriers to Self-Care?

So let’s have a look at the obstacles we have in our lives to finding time for self-care.

Lack of Time/Too Many Responsibilities

This one’s fairly obvious! We wear a LOT of hats after all. With kids, work, home, and family commitments, your calendar is jam-packed, and I’m sure we’ll all agree that when nothing is planned, we’re still busy. When every minute is scheduled, finding time for yourself seems impossible. 

But self-care doesn’t have to take long! Even 10 minutes for something….anything, that cares for yourself can make a difference. Identify small pockets of time you can claim – while the baby naps, before the kids wake up, during a lunch break. 

Get creative with when and how and you’ll be surprised what you’ll come up with. One of my favourite stories during the COVID-19 lockdowns was about a mum who told her family each week that she was off to do the grocery shopping when she had actually arranged click and collect…….she spent the hour or so sitting in her car in the car park reading!! 

Now I’m not suggesting you deceive your family as a way to get around the barriers to self-care, but I wanted to use that as a (funny!) example of how creative we actually can be.

Related Posts:
– PRIORITISING SELF-CARE – 21 UNIQUE WAYS FOR ‘ME TIME’ AS A MUM 
– SKINCARE FOR MOMS: 15 OF THE BEST MULTI PURPOSE PRODUCTS

Feeling Guilty for Taking Time Away From the Family

It’s natural to feel guilty for spending time on yourself when there are always more things to do for others. In fact, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt guilty for not feeling guilty if I do manage to enjoy some self-care time! Guilt is common with these barriers to self-care.

For some, there is a feeling that self-care is self-indulgent and……well, selfish. Firstly, self-care is not selfish, and that’s final.  Secondly, why can’t we enjoy a little bit of self-indulgence now and then? Thirdly, self-care is not self-indulgence!!

As mentioned above, self-care is taking care of your physical and mental health. A lot of the ways we can give ourselves self-care include basic needs like hygiene, sleep and nourishing food – when you look at it like that it’s crazy that we would even consider not doing it!

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking breaks to refill your tank allows you to be fully present and engaged when you are with your family – rather than becoming resentful or exhausted. Remind yourself that a little guilt is normal, but self-care makes you a better mum. Don’t let misplaced guilt prevent you from getting the renewal you need.

A Lack of Sleep

Out of all these barriers to self-care this is my most problematic one.

My biggest bugbear is being told how important sleep is to us. Apparently, we should be getting 7-9 hours sleep. I’m assuming these studies don’t take into account normal life?

Off the top of my head, these are just some of the reasons I can think of out of our control that cause us to lose sleep:

• Children
• Pets
• Neighbours
• Snoring partner
• Hormones 
• Certain health conditions

Honestly, sometimes I’m blessed with all of these occurring in one night. Let’s be real……we’re not going to get the sleep we’re advised to get! Even if by some miracle we do, we’re still exhausted by the sheer amount we do during an average day.

I’ve learnt to just accept this is life with a family and not worry about those nights when I’m nowhere near my goal of 7 hours. Why worry about something I can’t control?

I’m also not going to miss out on my self-care either – on those “days after the night before”, I know not to consider doing anything that involves sitting down….not unless I want to be found asleep with my nose in a nail varnish pot! 

A Lack of Support System

Having trusted friends or family nearby who can babysit while you take time for yourself makes a huge difference! But many mums don’t have that built-in support network. Of all the barriers to self-care can be the hardest one to get around.

You might be in the same camp as me: blessed to have family nearby, but use up all your “babysitting credits” on going to work. Yup, I certainly feel like I’m pushing it asking my mum to look after my youngest so I can have a facial, when she has already spent a couple of afternoons with him when I was at work. 

Should you ask friends/family to help with childcare for your self-care? Heck yes! I’m sure you’ll return the favour sometime and most grandparents have been there themselves and want the opportunity to see their grandkids. 

I will say, though, if you think asking will cause a problem with your relationships….just don’t. I’m not an Agony Aunt of any description, but I don’t think that spa session is worth the falling out over. There are plenty of other ways to get that self-care that don’t require babysitters.

A Lack of Routine

A routine serves as the backbone of a family unit that provides structure, stability, and a sense of predictability.

During the hustle and bustle of daily life, a well-established routine offers a framework that helps family members navigate their responsibilities and activities. 

For children, especially, routines create a reassuring environment where they know what to expect, giving them a sense of security and emotional well-being. Regular mealtimes, bedtime rituals, and designated family activities become anchors in the day. 

For us mums, routines facilitate effective time management, reducing stress and chaos within the household. They allow us to balance work, household chores, quality time with our kids and time to look after ourselves. 

We all know in an ideal world, these routines would create this harmonious life, but this is the real world! Crap happens, yes, but if you have that routine backbone in place you’re never far from things ticking over as they should…..and some much-needed “me-time”. You can have a look at my evening routine that I use with my family – I have worked it to get my self-care in

If you need help with setting goals to get these routines in place have a look at this post here

Related posts:
– GOAL SETTING FOR MOMS: HOW TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS
– MY ULTIMATE WORKING MOM EVENING ROUTINE: SECRET TO STREAMLINED MORNINGS

Not Being Good With Change

You might have found yourself and the family in a routine that works. It may not be perfect, but remembering the newborn days, at least you have one!!

Here’s the thing about kids – they age too. What worked for you all when your child was 7 months old, is unlikely to work when they are 3. We tend to forget our children naturally change as they develop into adults, when we have finished that journey ourselves (allegedly!).

If your evening is one great big time-sucking battle trying to get your 8-year-old to bed at the same time they did when they were 4, give yourself a break – an 8-year-old needs less sleep than a 4-year-old. Use that time spent battling for yourself, and let your child chill for a bit.

With all the barriers to self-care, this could be the easiest one to resolve and will result in everyone being happier.

Have a look at the family’s routine and see if it can/should change in any way. Get into the habit of reevaluating it at the very least yearly – more frequently when the kids are little.  

Related posts:
– WHY BODY SKINCARE MATTERS: IT’S TIME TO GIVE YOUR BODY SOME LOVE TOO

Having Overly Complicated Routines

Some of us parents may find ourselves being duped into an overly complicated bedtime routine with our kids – just as a means to stay up later. 

I speak from experience here, with our oldest, who used to have a 59-point checklist before he would even consider shutting his eyes! There was no way we could have put that on anyone else, so the bedtime routine was for us to do for the many years it lasted.

We’ve got wise to that now and our third son has a bedtime routine that any old Tom, Dick and Harry could partake in (for the record, neither Tom, Dick nor Harry put him to bed!)

The same applies to any point of the day. The harder any routine you have with the kids is, the harder it is for someone else to replace you to do it, and therefore the less likely you’ll ask for help. 

A Lack of Money

This is another biggie, especially at the moment due to the current cost of living crisis. If money is tight we obviously have to ensure our finances are planned to go to what is important. 

Marketing strategies by so many companies are designed to tell you that you need to spend money, and lots of it, to truly care for yourself. This is just NOT true – we certainly don’t need to spend a lot of money and we don’t even have to spend ANY money. Yes, there are loads of free self care practices you could search for.

As it happens, it is the skincare world that comes to mind that is classic for doing this. Yes, we could spend all our grocery budget on a serum, but there will be another product out there that has the same active ingredients, and therefore does the same job, for a much more reasonable price.

Finally, with a bit of rejigging the budget and cutting out the non-essentials, especially those that could be doing more harm than good (Lindt chocolate balls…..I’m looking at you!), you could find yourself with some extra cash that you could spend on your self-care.

It will be an investment for both you and your family.

Thinking Self-Care is a Sign of Weakness

No….just no!! This is 2023 not 1923 and we should not pretend to be Elon Musk either.

The bottom line is our bodies are designed to stop and recharge, otherwise, you could be forced to by your health. Sorry for the hard truth, but out of all the barriers to self-care, this is the most rediculous one!!!!

No one will think any less of you for spending time on yourself.

Thinking You’re Not Worthy of Self-care

I won’t go too deeply into this obstacle as these types of thoughts go way deeper than I have the knowledge and expertise to go. They are, however, ones I have heard in my nursing career. Sadly I have met many who feel they should not spend time taking care of themselves because they are not important enough. 

If these are your thoughts, I would encourage you, like I have done my patients, to go and see your GP first of all. They, also, are not trained to help you change those negative thought patterns, but they can refer you to those who can.

I will say, however, that we all have times when negative self-talk can kick in and undermine our sense of self-worth. Negative self-talk can creep in when we are at our lowest and ironically this is the time when we need that self-care the most. 

Related posts:
– 15 VALENTINE’S DAY SKINCARE GIFT IDEAS TO GET YOURSELF

Though finding time for self-care as a busy mom can feel impossible, it is essential for your mental and physical health. Without taking care of your own needs first, it’s easy to run yourself into the ground through constant caring for others. Those self care barriers have a lot to answer for! 

While genuine barriers to self care like lack of time, guilt, inadequate support, tight finances, and self-doubt can stand in the way, it is possible to overcome them with creativity and commitment. Reframing how you think about self-care is key – it’s not indulgent but necessary. 

If this is a new concept for you, start small and try new self-care strategies until you find what works for you. By learning to care for your needs as much as you do others’ needs, you become the healthiest version of yourself. You and all the people in your life will reap the benefits. 

Let me know in the comments if any of these barriers to self-care resonate with you. Are there any others that hold you back from looking after yourself? Do you have any self care goals?

Related Posts:
– QUICK AND CHEAP SELF-CARE: 30 ACTIVITIES FOR MUMS TO ELEVATE OUR WELL-BEING
– PRIORITISING SELF-CARE – 21 UNIQUE WAYS FOR ‘ME TIME’ AS A MUM